Crowborough Police are having their Christmas party tonight-now I know what happened to all that dodgy vodka that was seized off the streets last month.

As a spokesman for the local taxpayers strategic safer neighbourhood common purpose team..

I advise them not to dont drink more than the recommended daily intake and dress up warm against the chilly wind.
If they are drinking they should get a local taxi or walk it will do them good.If they nominate a driver then that driver should remember not to drink too many sugary drinks or eat high fat/salt snacks.
Under no circumstances should they refer to Christmas(Christmasist) and any different gender kissing under the mistletoe will result in disciplinary action .
I would advise the nominated driver to remember to turn their lights on if dark
and dont forget to start the engine before trying to drive off.
As we are committed to ensuring the safety of our communities within our strategic roadmap area community taxpayers action teams will be personing
a check point outside the venue.Everyone leaving will be required to produce their documents and take a breath test to prove they havnt drunk over the prescribed amount .Anyone found to have drunk over the prescribed limits or refusing to comply with this legislation will be given a £100 fixed penalty ticket
or face 5 years in jail.The relevant legislation is section 2(2) of the Public Sector Act 2008.
Remember we are watching you using the taxpayers CCtv system but dont be concerned because if you havnt anything to hide you have got nothing to worry about.
In just remains for me to hope you have a good time within the scope of the above requirement.Have fun.